Photo by Jessica Da Rosa on Unsplash
When arriving at a fork in the road during a conversation, we have micro-seconds to make a decision. Should we say what’s on our mind or should we hold our tongue?
We’ve all been there.
Knowing ahead of time that consequences can fly like wild fire, burning down everything in their path gives us pause. Rightly so. I’ve had my fair share of consequences affect a ‘gotta thought gotta say it’ moment.
On the other side of the coin, regret and consequences have also arisen from what remained unsaid, unasked, and undone.”
We are humans, living in a human world. Filled with community and conversation. It’s impossible to avoid this conundrum.
For introverts, these instances can trigger feelings of anxiety. As the conversation spins, there is a juncture in which saying something or saying nothing is a choice you will have to make.
In the case of extroverts, the choice to engage or remain passive might be less about managing anxiety and more about finding the right balance.
For those in the middle, there’s no escaping unscathed.
Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum, developing self-awareness and practicing mindfulness can be beneficial.
Ask yourself questions like: What is my intention in this moment? What do I hope to achieve by speaking or remaining silent? Am I responding out of genuine interest or from a place of discomfort?
There are some general principles that can guide us.
First, consider the intent behind your words. Is it to hurt, to help, to inform, or to connect? There is an acrostic that has helped me T.H.I.N.K.
Is what I’m going to say true?
When we get excited in conversations, there is a tendency to exaggerate or even make up parts of the whole. We also need to make sure what we are reiterating has been fact-checked. Spreading false information can be devastating.
Consider whether what you’re about to say is helpful.
Will it hurt or will it help? Asking this question before speaking will thwart the possibility of saying something that will affect someone negatively now and in the future.
Do the words that are on your tongue inspire?
Influencing, motivating, encouraging. These are feel good actions that spur a good conversation on to become a great conversation.
Are the words necessary?
We’ve all come across people who talk just to hear themselves talk. They tend to suffocate the air with long monologues and self-serving speeches. Conversations are meant to be back and forth, not one-sided.
Will what you say be considered kind?
Kindness has become rare these days. You can never have too much of it, though. It doesn’t need to be overly sweet or artificial — just genuine. A kind word goes very far.
Even though you only have a second or two, assessing the potential impact of your words is essential. Will they build or destroy? Will they create harmony or discord? Weighing the pros and cons can provide valuable insight.
When we think about our words, before we say them, they take on a different quality than if we hadn’t given them a second thought.
However, it’s essential to recognize that silence can be equally potent. Sometimes, the most impactful response is merely to listen — a power all its own.
In the English language the same letters in the words silent are also in the word listen. There is a great lesson there.
One last thing, don’t be afraid of the pregnant pause. When we speak without pausing, cause and effect comes into play. That pause allows for reflection, for understanding, and for a more thoughtful response. It can make all the difference in the world during a conversation.
We shouldn’t fear speaking up, nor should we fear staying silent. The courage to speak and the wisdom to listen are equally important.
Balance is the key. Conversation is fun. It’s where connections are made, ideas are exchanged, and understanding grows.
Embrace them. But remember to think.
With Vizion,
Sue:)
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