Positive has been my default approach for most of my life. Even in the eye of life's fiercest tempests, I was well-known for the ability to spin threads of joy.
Raised by a mom who felt and expressed negativity as a weakness, anything that resembled a pessimistic attitude quickly slid out of my field of view.
Throughout my life I’ve done some cherrypicking when life brought the good, bad, ugly, and awesome. The good and awesome were standouts and I chose to celebrate them at every turn.
As for the bad and ugly, well, they took their place under my proverbial rug shoved out of sight and out of mind. Handling emotional pain by sitting in it was definitely not one of my forte’s.
When my little ones wailed or whimpered, I'd conjure up tales of enchanted fairies and shimmering waterfalls, hoping to distract them from their distress. Throughout periods of illness and uncertainty, I made a conscious effort to quickly silence the whispers of despair. Amidst surrounding setbacks, I veiled the disappointments with optimistic musings.
So what’s so bad about all of the above? After all, positivity is positive.
The meticulously erected barriers, built by suppressing unfavorable feelings and emotions, began to crumble. After an entire lifetime of continually putting a stranglehold on the bad and ugly, I found myself and those around me exhausted. Unable to communicate authentically. Hiding essential elements of human emotions.
My family began to ‘not tell me everything’. Refusing to listen to the sugar-coated language that would inevitably fall from my mouth.
By not allowing bad and ugly to have any breath, weakness began to overtake me. It affected me emotionally, spiritually, and even physically. All those years of working overtime to snuff out anything I deemed bleak or gloomy began to take its toll.
It took many years for me to realize my true strength was not avoiding negativity, but in fact embracing it. An oxymoron that rang true for me.
There were boundaries that needed to be set up in order for me to live in harmony with my newfound knowledge. Here are some of the actions I took.
- Acknowledge all emotions. Every single one of them, not just the great ones. Accepting that all of them were normal and valid.
- Practice mindfulness. Being aware of all emotions without judgement. Without judging them, I was able to make intelligent decisions with all my emotions in tact.
- Learn from negative experiences. With this knowledge, challenges were used as opportunities for growth. I’ve learned to waste nothing.
- Maintain balance. Don’t force positivity. Allowing myself to experience and process negative emotions has enabled a balanced mindset.
- Set realistic expectations. Avoid the pressure of constant positivity. Oh, that felt so good!
- Seek professional help. A great coach or therapist. This guided me in managing emotions effectively. I’ve always said a great coach has a great coach. It worked for me.
Gathering my daughters together, I humbly asked for forgiveness for not allowing the good, the bad, the ugly, and the awesome to exist under my roof. My middle daughter smiled and sighed, “Mom, we’ve been waiting all our life to hear you say that.”
Habits are hard to break. Our brains are wired to conserve energy, making it easier to stick to automatic patterns of behavior rather than exerting effort to change them. Continuously accepting negativity as an integral part of my being is an ongoing process. One that I work on daily.
By putting the above in place, and being true to my authentic self, my relationships and my career as a life/business coach have flourished. I’ve witnessed a positive shift in how I relate with negativity.
What was once a source of discomfort is now a valuable tool in my arsenal. I’m learning to confront and transform my negative thoughts and emotions into fuel for my journey towards positivity.
With Vizion,
Sue:)
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