The One Person You Can't Live Without : How being your own best friend matters

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The One Person You Can't Live Without

How being your own best friend matters

In a world that constantly pushes us to compare ourselves to others, the notion of being our own best friend often gets overshadowed. 

Believe it or not when I ask my clients if they like themselves, I’m often met with a blank stare. They stammer ‘sure’, with a question mark at the end of the word.

It seems like a silly question, but the majority of people living in the world don’t like themselves. 

How can we like others if we don’t even like ourself?

Self-Compassion

Being your own best friend starts with self-compassion.

We lack self-compassion. 

With the onset of the digital age, we had these heightened revelations we were not the person we wanted to be. 

The funny thing about it is we didn’t even really know we didn’t like ourselves until we started to compare ourselves with people we liked better than ourselves.

If you understand what I’m talking about then it’s time for a paradigm shift in both physical and thought process. 

Much like how a true friend would offer comfort and encouragement during difficult times, being kind to yourself in moments of struggle is essential. 

Self-compassion involves recognizing that everyone makes mistakes and experiences setbacks. Have some grace for YOU.

Instead of berating yourself for imperfections, acknowledge them with kindness and understanding. This mindset shift helps build resilience and reduces the impact of self-criticism.

This relates to both mind and body. Let’s even throw the soul in there for good measure. 

BE kind. 

To know you is to like you, right? Well, maybe it is high-time that you starting to get to really know you, like you, and appreciate you.

Imagine what the world would look like if there were a bunch of humans walking around that liked themselves — now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying to start a narcissist movement. I’m just talking about compassion that starts with you and to throw a little self-acceptance into the recipe to sweeten the dish.

Self Acceptance

To be your own best friend, you need to practice self-acceptance. 

Accepting yourself involves embracing both your strengths and weaknesses without judgment. 

Just as a best friend appreciates you for who you are, learning to accept yourself as you are—flaws and all—produces a healthy self-image. 

When I was young, I had a mentor who asked me if I was a car. I said, what? No, I’m a human. She said, then stop trying to be a car. I was racing from one place to the next trying to measure up to this high ideal I had created for myself.

It was exhausting. And apparently, it exhausted those around me, too.

Once self-acceptance began to come into play (warning: it’s a life-long practice), stress began to dissolve. It showed on my face and in my actions.

Reflecting on myself and thoroughly examining my actions has made a significant difference. Recognizing my abilities and embracing my unique qualities has given me an internal boost, akin to a personal affirmation. I didn't need to exaggerate or amplify it; the simple act of self-reflection was enough to provide this positive impact.

I hadn't even realized the extent of the personal belittling taking place until I turned the page and saw the potential for a new narrative. When I compared both pages, I was really surprised how self-acceptance had been struggling.

Self-Care

Self-care is a crucial aspect of being your own best friend. 

This isn’t just about pampering yourself, and trust me we need that sometimes,  but about actively ensuring your well-being. 

There are various ways you can practice self-care. Some of them are obvious and because they are, we tend to skim over them. 

Don’t.

Self-care now, means less extensive care later.

This is coming from someone whose toilet paper roll is spinning faster and fast, having much less paper on it than there were years ago. More time behind me now, than in front of me. Trust me. I’ve discovered, first-hand, self-care matters.

So what’s that look like?

Yes, there are thousands of videos, reels, blogs, commercials, etc. sprouting the best thing for you. If you are like me, my self-care used to look like ‘watching and scrolling’ through these videos.

Self-care had to be defined to me in a different way. Without all the noise. 

I’ve found that, for me, it meant listening to my body. Because to be truthful, my body was doing a whole lot of talking.The aches and pains had set up camp and were there to stay.

Along with my body — prioritizing my mental health was not something to be ignored. We seem to ignore the fact that our brain is in charge of everything. It’s our unsung hero and we abuse it daily!

Nourish your brain, folks. It’s drying out. It needs us to water it and tend to it.

Last but not least, self-care meant setting boundaries.

This idea is so influential that books and movements have been started around it. 

When preparing ourself to be our own best friends, we need to set up boundaries for ourselves.  Just as fences make for great neighbors, self-boundaries keep us from jumping the fence and making bad decisions.

Self-Talk

Positive self-talk is essential on the path to being your own best friend.

In my line of work, I hear the most debilitating self-talk. 

When a client begins to trust me and the process, they let their hair down. That is very important. That action is vital. It helps the rebuilding and restructuring. 

But in the midst of all that construction, the negative talk whizzes like an angry wasp. Dive bombing and striking over and over again.

I even find myself ducking out the way sometimes. It’s pretty brutal.

After the attacks, the carnage is huge. 

Shoulders slump, eyes lose their spark, and anxious tics may emerge. Physical reactions can include skin picking, scratching, rubbing, rolling necks, shifting in chairs, and other restless behaviors. It’s not a pretty sight.

These self-attacks leave a person defeated. The battle is always lost.

The war isn’t, though. A paradigm shift is in order.

Recognizing that your self-talk can deeply influence your mental health and self-esteem is a crucial step.

Once you have recognized it, the rest is smooth sailing.  Smooth sailing requires a continual wind at your back. Recognition provides that wind.

Being your own best friend involves engaging in positive self-talk on a daily basis—acknowledging your achievements, encouraging yourself through challenges, and avoiding negative self-criticism at every turn. That kind of criticism just doesn’t have any redeeming qualities.

The key is replacement. 

Replacing harsh internal dialogue with supportive and uplifting messages helps build a more positive self-image and a sense of inner confidence. Giving you the courage to go back into battle, but this time, armed with weapons that can produce a different outcome.

Self-Support

Life is full of ups and downs, and being your own best friend means providing yourself with unwavering support during the good, bad, ugly, or awesome.

An inner support system helps you navigate through challenges with a sense of confidence and perseverance. 

Hold your head high. You will need some strong shoulders to support your neck. So building resilience does take some exercise. 

When believing in yourself and your capabilities, you can’t help but become better equipped to handle adversity and setbacks. 

Your self-support acts as a safety net that empowers you to take risks and pursue your goals without being deterred by constant fear. 

A client once told me that ‘fear isn’t fair’. I tend to agree. Lot’s of things in life aren’t fair, but you don’t need to fall deeper into a self-made trap and make it worse.

Self-support, supports your self. Ha. No genius needed here.

To be your own best friend, you need to depend upon yourself. And not just in times of your life that are bad. Depending on yourself when things are going great exercises muscle memory. 

Remember, being your own best friend isn't about being selfish or isolated. It's about nurturing a healthy relationship with yourself, one that provides the strength and resilience needed to face life's challenges. 

I know, from experience, that your entire demeanor will change. You

Dang, if you can’t trust yourself, who can you trust.

Be patient with yourself, practice self-care, and trust that you really are capable of weathering any storm.

Being your own best friend also involves creating a healthy relationship with yourself. This means setting healthy boundaries, prioritizing your needs, and respecting your personal space and time. 

Just as you would with a best friend, it’s important to communicate openly with yourself and address any issues or concerns that arise. 

The above is a short-list, but it’s a great start.

Building a healthy self-relationship helps you maintain a sense of balance and harmony in your life.

We all need a little harmony.

Being your own best friend is more than just a feel-good concept —it’s a practical approach to fostering a healthy, resilient, and fulfilling life. 

By practicing self-compassion, self-acceptance, self-care, self-talk, and self-support, we build build strong internal systems that enables us to face life’s challenges with confidence and grace. 

Remember, the relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for all other relationships and aspects of your life. 

So, make the effort to be your own best friend—you deserve it.

With Vizion,

Sue:)